i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
