so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
