I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
