i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize