i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize