Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
