3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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