I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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