I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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