tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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