I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I am available for nakedness
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
