It's like God shit irony all over that family
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I still have a little drunk in my system
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
