so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
