My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
