I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
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He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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