Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
