Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
