oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
