my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
