Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
tell me about the fingering
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