me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
