this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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