The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My vagina is officially offended.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
