I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Do vagina's smell?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
