K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
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He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
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So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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