Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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