If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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