They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
