Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
