The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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