Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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