I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
