Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
