How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
