oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
