Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
