Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Randomize
