I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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