Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
