I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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