i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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