I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
