Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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