someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
