The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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