I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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