the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
