the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
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you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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