i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
