people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
