when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
