I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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