I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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