She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
