So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
