so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm passing your future prison.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
