Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
