I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
