She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
