I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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