First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
