I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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