the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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