can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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