hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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