I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
