The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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