maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
