Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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