I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There r osticjed everywhere
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
